I had grand intentions. I really did. I was going to keep up my Yogi lifestyle, breaking out my mat for daily asana and pranayama. I felt great with my sequencing and flow post Yandara. I was feelin’ that Yogi-High.
And then the first trimester sickness hit. And all that intention went to hell. I went to yoga once during my first trimester. And the only real reason I went was because I wanted to sign up for Prenatal classes before they filled up. I signed up for the Wednesday evening class, and then closer it got, the more I dreaded it because of how sick I was. Luckily, I started taking Diclectin the week before class started, and it worked! So I went to my first class, and at 13 weeks, surrounded by all the soon-to-be-mama’s who had beautiful round belly’s, I was suddenly really self conscious. I was just super bloated and fluffy looking. I could barely carry on any type of vinyasa because I got so out of breath, and chaturanga? Haha, think again.
Not to mention the absolute exhaustion I was still feeling. Add on a couple night shifts and teaching spin twice a week and the next week I knew I needed to take an evening of rest instead.
I could make up more excuses. We went to Germany, I had other things planned, I was really tired, I didn’t want to take the drive in to RD from Blackfalds. Yup, I thought of them all. But really, my heart just wasn’t in it.
I signed up for Back to Back sessions, and after only making it twice to the first 8 week session, I was READY to commit to the 7 week session. I set an alarm in my phone to encourage me to go, and when it went off I got dressed up in the only exercise clothes that still fit and I headed into RD on that -25 evening. Only to find out I had the wrong time. And I was 45 minutes late to an hour class.
That was 3 weeks ago and I haven’t attempted to go back.
Why? I mean, it IS easy enough to put on comfy clothes and drive the 20 minutes to the studio. I dutifully did it for months, almost every day, from January until May.
The only GOOD reasoning I have is that my body demanded (and is still demanding) rest. I teach spin classes twice a week, and I have to bring my A-game to those because I am the one leading the class. I can’t, and don’t slack off when I am there. I walk my dogs 4-5 times a week for up to an hour. They need the exercise, and I’d feel guilty if I withheld it from them. So prenatal yoga, and any yoga for that matter, fell to the wayside and dropped down on my list of priorities.
Remember my word of the Year? Flexibility. And while I am still working on all of these goals, the over arching theme is fluidity, being less strict with myself and honoring what my body and my mind truly need.
And that is why I am a currently a shitty Yogi in the Physical Sense, but a very much improved Yogi in the philosophical sense.
Because Yoga to me is to be present, focusing on my family and my dogs and hunkering down rather than being go-go-go, to breathe, even if that means huffing and puffing up 3 flights of stairs to get to the spin bikes, and to find inner peace and harmony, which right now looks like 2 Dark Chocolate Justin’s PB Cups and a Hot Bubble Bath.
One day, hopefully sooner rather than later, my body will crave asana. One day, when I am no longer pregnant, it will be safe for me to practice headstand and handstand. One day, but not today.