On Teaching Yoga

AmieHalfLotusBlogYoga. This beautiful, fulfilling practice that has become a beacon back to Myself. While I took pretty much my entire pregnancy off of practicing, I have added it back in to my life postpartum and I have once again been reminded of how important it is for me to maintain a regular practice. My life feels fuller and more balanced with it.

Back when I decided to do Yoga Teacher Training (Part 1, 2, and 3), I never actually imagined that I would be teaching yoga. It was more so a final adventure or hurrah before settling down and having a baby. It was something I wanted to do to deepen my practice, to learn more about the foundations, the philosophy, and how to incorporate yoga in to all of my lifestyle, not just as part of my exercise routine.

I got pregnant 2 weeks after returning from my trip. I like to think my trip played in to this… I can’t recall a time in my life ever that I have been more present for such a large chunk of time. The memories I have of Yandara and the experiences are vivid in my memory. I can recall all 5 senses of being there… The sight of the early morning sunrise through the windows of the paviliion, the sound of the waves lulling me to sleep at night, the taste of papaya and oatmeal with homemade granola, the feel of the hot sand between my toes as we walked to the beach during our lunch break, and the smell of the hot apple cinnamon tea that was consumed in large amounts instead of coffee. The trip centered me. I treated myself to massages, an astrology reading, and more importantly a reiki session to balance my chakras – something I think I needed for a long time and something I attribute to me finally getting pregnant after 16 months of trying.

So then I didn’t practice for close to 10 months, and when I did start practicing in the spring with Emily and Ebb & Flow Yoga, I was excited to make it a regular part of my life again and was hopeful she would continue teaching in Blackfalds. Then I found out she was pregnant herself ūüėČ

When Emily asked if I wanted to rent the space she was renting to teach I was actually pretty taken back by it… Me? Teach Yoga? It honestly sounded a bit absurd at first. This was a practice I kept fairly private. Something I did for myself without blasting it on Social Media. Something that I incorporated into all aspects of my life, not just as physical asanas. Could I really teach? Would people even want to take my class?

After thinking about it for a few days I decided to give it a go.

So I went about navigating the process of setting up a class – advertising it, registering people, getting some things together to set the vibe, and sequencing my very first class.

I thought I had it *just right*. I was going to go into that classroom and kick ass at teaching Yoga. I was going to make the most zen experience for all those yogi’s they weren’t even going to know what hit them.

And then the day arrived.

And I got nervous.

And you know what energy I created in that classroom?

Nervous Energy.

I can’t deny it. There’s no point. I was really freaking nervous. I was so worried they were going to see right through me as a sham. Someone who wasn’t good enough to teach yoga. Sure, I was able to adapt the sequence to their level during the class. I was able to tone it back because what I had put together wasn’t a good fit for their first class. But it threw me for a loop.

And therein lies the problem. I let my thoughts of what others may or may not think of me cloud my thinking and take me away from the real purpose of teaching yoga. I let my energy change the feel of the class and so I fumbled on my words and I mixed up my lefts and rights and I left feeling awkward and unsure that I made the right choice to try this whole “Yoga Teacher” thing.

I took the next day (during nap time of course) to reflect on the previous evening and what I would like to do differently the next class.

I decided the next class would have a different energy. I was so worried about who I thought I should be that I forgot to just be ME.

Since that first class the vibe has changed, it’s become more fun, less like I thought it “should” be and more how it is supposed to be. Does that make sense? I’m probably just rambling. ūüėČ

It’s been a fun ride so far. I look at my practice differently. And while I never intended to “teach” that seems to be exactly what I was meant to do and I hope to continue doing.

Namaste, ya’ll. ūüėČ

Five Years

I’ve been blogging for half a decade now. That is just so hard for me to wrap my head around! 5 years of self-reflection, working towards acceptance and happiness, losing weight, gaining weight, breaking up with Matthias, then marrying Matthias, binge eating, and restrictive eating, tears, so much laughter, new-found friends, lots of running, lots of yogaing, eating only vegetables, eating some meat, and now, having a baby any day. I’m so glad to have captured my growth and this part of my life on this little space. It’s meant so much to me to read your comments, receive your emails, and read your blogs. I can’t even begin to express my appreciation and gratitude through words.

In keeping with the theme of “Five” I am giving away Five $5 Gift Cards to Starbucks. I am pretty much a diehard Starbucks fan. Back when I started this blog I was actually working there and if I wasn’t a nurse I probably still would be! Being a Barista = A Fun Job.

Enter in the Rafflecopter Giveaway below! I will pick 5 winners on March 16th, 2015 (unless of course, I am in labor, in which case I will pick the winners asap after that haha).

a Rafflecopter giveaway

2014 in Review; Flexibility

Well I, for one, can’t believe it is already going to be a new year. 2014 seemed to fly by! I have to say, it has 100% been my most favorite year yet. I know I stepped away from the blog world a bit for most of it, but in doing so, I created some great memories, a baby (which is still being created ūüėČ ) and I learned a whole lot about myself and my happiness.

I picked the word Flexibility for 2014, and in doing so, prioritized 3 goals, including physical flexibility, financial flexibility, and emotional flexibility.

fallenangel Physical

Much of the first half of 2014 was spent on the “Physical” aspect of increasing my flexibility. I let go of my gym membership and crossfit membership and bought an unlimited Yoga pass at a local studio. In March, I participated in a Yoga Instagram Challenge. I signed up for Yoga Teacher Training, at Yandara, and wrote about it in 3 parts (Here, Here, and Here). Yandara really was a life changing experience for me. I came out of it feeling physically and emotionally centered, something that is hard to achieve in our go-go-go society. From January to July, my physical flexibility increased a lot. It’s hard to quantify, but I was able to do yoga postures I had only dreamed about doing before. And it felt really good. Then things took a turn when my nausea and vomiting started. I fell off the yoga band wagon pretty hard, and have yet to find my way back to it. All in all though, that is okay, because by letting go of my physical flexibility I was able to focus more on my emotional flexibility.

andmEmotional

Emotionally, I think things started to turn around when I spent my time at Yandara. After that, I was ready to let go of the control I was trying to have over getting pregnant, and instead, just focus on living. Well surprise, surprise, I got pregnant a mere 2 weeks after returning home. This in turn led me through an emotional release so-to-speak. I had all of these expectations and assumptions about being pregnant. How I would feel, what I would do and not do, what I would eat, how I would look. Pregnancy has been the single biggest wake up call of my life. I have realized with great certainty, that planning is a feeble thing, and I am only safe to believe that none of my plans will ever go, well, as planned haha. I was sick and miserable. I felt emotionally torn about becoming a mother when I didn’t “have” a mother, and for a bit, I felt a little bit lost. I’ve worked hard on overcoming this hurdle, accepting things as they are, and acknowledging that in protecting my physical health, I am also protecting my emotional health. I am so looking forward to being a mother, to loving the little girl who made me so sick at first, and whose flips and punches and kicks make my heart already feel like it can’t fit in to my chest.

babykFinancial

Well….. this is probably the one I slacked off most in. I indulged this year on more than one occasion. I went to Mexico for Yoga Training, then again in December for a Vacation. I went to Germany, and to Switzerland. I took a Graduate level course through a very expensive online school, and I plan to continue taking more of them in the new year. Matthias bought a Motorcycle. I purchased a lot of furniture for my house, and I hired cleaners to come in and clean for me. I payed for prenatal yoga that I never attended. Oops. I did manage to pay off my credit card, and lower my credit limit by over half. I also managed to help pay off one of our time shares and pay down the other one by half. I know. Who in their right mind gets TWO time shares? My husband and I apparently. So I suppose all was not lost in this arena, but it definitely could have gone better.

We still have some grand plans to pay down our line of credit by half before the baby comes, but now with trying to finish our basement and our plumbing going to shit (literally.) I am not sure if we will accomplish this by March!

sunrise

2013 in Review

2013. This was a huge year for me. It’s really hard to even begin to explain how much this last year has impacted who I am, and who I hope to become in the future. I am entering 2014 in a much better head space than I entered 2013, so I know things are only going to get better from here!

Highlights:

  • Travel!!! Mexico, Palm Springs, Toronto, London, Italy, Germany, Las Vegas, and a quick trip to Grande Prairie.
  • Marrying my favorite guy (and no, I don’t mean Tucker).
  • Getting a sweet new kitten, whose actually a freaking psycho <3
  • Spending more time with Blog Friends :)
  • Running!! A Marathon, and a Half Marathon in Vegas.
  • Changing Jobs, then Changing Jobs Again.
  • Buying a New Vehicle.
  • Working on my self-esteem and acceptance.
  • Letting go of the numbers related to the scale.
  • A Kick-Ass Bachelorette Party
  • One of my best friends getting pregnant – She’s due January 14th!
  • Working on my Home Gym
  • Starting the process to get AFLCA certified
  • So much professional growth! Including my week at the Betty Ford Center and being voted in to be on the CARNA Provincial Council
  • Growing a Garden at Home
  • Joining Soccer (again)
  • Lotsa Crossfit & a more versatile training plan
  • Having a period for 1 full year (even if it was a week late this last time)
  • Much needed improvement with my relationship with myself.
  • Winning 10 thousand dollars at my Work 50/50
  • Sunday Night HBO at my Dad’s House

It’s been such a great year. I am so humbled and thankful for all of the opportunities and support I have. I am one lucky girl and I can’t wait to see what 2014 has in store for my family.