Life is About to get Crazy (again)

Hey! Hi! Hello.

It feels like it has been a loooong time since I have done a legitimate post. Has it been? I don’t really know. :) Guess life has kept me pretty busy. I’ll just do a quick update and be on my way then!

Eating/Healthy Living – I’ve been just “Okay” in this department recently. I know I need to get my butt in to gear and somewhat get myself off of sugar/coffee because I am pretty sure they don’t serve both those things in Yandara 😉 Lord help me.

I have also been tossing around the idea of trying to lose a bit of the emotional weight that I gained back a year ago. When I first lost the weight I became so obsessed and fearful of what would happen if I gained it back.

Well, I gained some of it back. But I also worked through a lot of the emotional issues that were underlying my struggle with weight loss/weight gain/weight maintenance. And you know what? I survived. Actually, I would say I am “thriving” now. I’ve maintained my weight for close to a year now (hovering around 160lb – sometimes above that, sometimes below that). I don’t weigh myself too often because I don’t really see a point, but I am interested in lowering my weight by about 20lb to bring me to 140ish. I feel like that is a very sustainable weight for me in terms of balancing healthy eating and exercise. Unfortunately I have a sneaky suspicion that the amount of chocolate and other sweets I eat is preventing me from getting there and instead just letting me hover where I am at.

I don’t have too much of a plan in place as of yet, but I do plan on decreasing the amount of sugar that I am eating and hopefully that will in turn lower my weight. I am 100% aware of the reasons why I became obsessive and super restrictive before, and I can confidently say those issues do not effect me at this time. I also know how to handle them if/when then do poke their heads out, and I feel good about finally (maybe) bringing my weight down just a bit over a longer period.

Yoga – I am signed up for a 40 day Yoga Challenge at the Breathing Room, which for me is actually a 36 day Yoga Challenge because I am going away to Yoga School in 33 days (Holy Shit.). I have been working on my form and alignment for a lot of poses as well as working on sanskrit names and yogic philosophy. I am equal parts excited and nervous.

Work – BUSY. Wowwza. I have 2 Conferences/Meetings in May in Edmonton, then I go away for 18 days for Yoga School, then I come home for a day and then go away for a 4 day Nursing conference in Winnipeg. I only have 5 scheduled shifts in June 😀 YESSSSS. Working Days/Nights is actually going well, I have figured out how to fuel my body appropriately without starving or over eating.

Running – Hasn’t been happening. I ran 2 miles 2 weeks ago and that was fine, I could have kept going but just didn’t have it in me. I wish I still loved running like I used to, but right now, I don’t. I won’t be running in the Woody’s Half Marathon, but I will likely volunteer (Lindsey or Becky – Want to Volunteer with me?!) Maybe as the weather continues to improve I will feel the desire to run again? Maybe not. In the mean time, I am sending my running vibes to Leigh, so that her knee can heal fully.

Matthias – For those of you that don’t know, Matthias works away 2 weeks and then is home for 1 week. He has done this since October and he has finally gotten a job back in Red Deer! We are SO excited because we can hopefully spend more time together and he can actually have a life and hobbies again as opposed to just recuperating on the 5.5 days he was home on his days off (the other 1.5 were spent traveling).

Dogs are good, Cats are good, Life is good :)

Why I Want to Maintain Health

Ever created a list of the reasons you want to be healthy so that you can refer back to it when your motivation is lacking? It is a seriously awesome tool that can help amp up that motivation and kick start your gears to keep moving towards your goals.

  1. Longevity – I want to be around for a long time. Eating healthy and being active are two key pieces to that.
  2. Energy – I always feel more energized when I am eating whole foods and limiting processed ones.
  3. Mental Clarity – When I am healthy I feel clear and ready to take on the day.
  4. Confidence – Yes, superficial, but when I am a healthy weight, eating healthy foods and exercising regularly I feel confident about my body.
  5. Setting a Positive Example – As a Registered Nurse, I need to practice what I preach. That includes setting a healthy example with my diet, exercise, and coping skills.
  6. Supporting those I love – You can only help and support others as good as you support yourself.
  7. Hitting PR’s – When I am nutritionally focused, I can better perform in the gym and on my runs.
  8. Environmental Sustainability – It is more environmentally friendly to eat a whole foods, plant based diet.
  9. Less Cravings – Taste buds change.
  10. Feeling Free – I remember a time when I felt free of all of the weight (emotionally and physically). I want to get back there. I will get back there.

It’s Hard Out There..

..but its getting easier.

I ready an excellent blog post today from Girls Gone Strong founder Molly Galbraith. It is titled “It’s Hard Out There for a Fit Chick” and I strong encourage all of my readers to take the time to read it.

This article really resonated with me.

Working on self acceptance has been tough, but so worth it. I think at this time, in this body, I am the most comfortable and confident in my skin that I have EVER been. I have always tried to be transparent here, and I honestly feel like I have turned a corner for the better.

I weight 155lb on a good morning, naked, after going pee.

I wear a size 8 comfortably.

I wear a Medium shirt, but sometimes I need a Large.

I am 5 feet 4.5 inches tall.

I have cray cray hips and a round booty.

I have cellulite.

My bra size went up to 36C.

I’m a curvy girl, not petite.

All of these things don’t make me any less of a woman, any less sexy, any less desirable. They make me unique. They make me, Me.

Do I feel any less healthy than when I was at 130lb worrying about gaining weight? Absolutely not. In fact, I feel healthier. I can lift heavier than I ever have before, I have run farther than I ever have. I am full of energy. I don’t suffer from Hypoglycemia anymore. I don’t have Orthostatic Hypotension anymore.

I hope that you all can take some time today to reflect on the things that make you uniquely beautiful. I hope you can speak to yourself with kindness, even if its hard, it will get easier.


Howdy :)

Hows the #7dayvegan Challenge going? It is going pretty good on this end. A few slip ups here and there, but overall it has made me more aware of my dairy intake.

On that note, I wanted to talk about body image, overall health, and perspective.

I have seen both sides of this journey, and some of you have been present to see me through every step in between.

Only recently was I able to finally figure out the root of my body image issues, and figure out what works for me to sift through them.

Here are some of the strategies I have been using:

  • Journalling – I reflect on my day if I feel it has been significant in some way. I write how I am feeling, write questions to myself, and just put pen to paper and let the thoughts flow. It is much like what I do here.
  • Practicing Kindness to myself – If I feel like I am heading down a path of negative thoughts I will fill a bath, make a cup of tea, and read my book. Or I will allow myself to eat a Peanut Butter Cup or 2, because they make me happy.
  • Acknowledging Gratitude – There are so many things we can be grateful for, whether it be a warm cup of coffee, the feeling of our partners hand in ours, or a comfy bed to climb in to at night. I try to recognize the things I am grateful for. This makes the problem seem a lot more insignificant.
  • Reflecting on my Goals – Another important aspect of the picture. I try to find out what I want, deep down in my soul, and then I rationalize if it is achievable or not, and ask myself why I want it. If I am unable to come up with a satisfactory reason, or if I deem the goal irrational, I re-frame it so that I can work to something attainable.
  • Re-framing – I will write down ALL of my negative thoughts in one column on a piece of paper, and on the other side, I will re-frame them so they are either positive or neutral.

Everyone is different and everyone finds comfort in different coping skills. What kind of healthy coping skills do you use when you are having negative thoughts?

Now, on to perspective.

Today I had a Body Composition done, as I am starting a new weight training program (Marathon training is almost done, yo!). I wanted to know what my starting point would be, and I don’t want my results based on the scale.

In January 2012, at 128lb, I won a free Body Comp from a Healthy Living Expo I attended. I saved my results. At this time I had a body fat % of 24, which is considered “normal”. That means, I was carrying around 31lb of body fat. At this time I had no period or libido, was cold all the time, tired and needed to nap often, suffering from hypoglycemia, and extremely anxious about food and weight gain.

Today, My body fat was up 6%, to 30%. This means I am carrying around 47lb of body fat, a 16lb gain in 15 months. This also means I put on 13lb of muscle.


At this time, I have a regular period, a healthy libido, I can lift heavier than I ever have before, I can run farther than I ever have before, and I no longer count calories.

Sure I stress about my size on some days, but this is becoming farther and fewer between.

I can enjoy a meal with my fiance and not obsess on how to burn the extra calories.

I can take a day off from the gym and not double up the next day just because.

I no longer suffer from Sciatica or Hypoglycemia, or Orthostatic Hypotension.

Getting this composition done was a healthy dose of perspective. Instead of fretting over the increased number on the scale, I was able to appreciate the gains that I have made in muscle, and the strength I have acquired emotionally.

Is this Perfect? By all means no. Can it help me be realistic about what I want to achieve? Absolutely.

The trainer doing the body comp told me I will most likely not lose any size around my legs because they are quite muscular already, and instead will see more definition and tone in my lower body. He said that if I were to lose FAT and not MUSCLE, I will most likely see it go from my chest, shoulders, and arms.

This was also reassuring because it reaffirms my decision to just buy bigger pants rather than fret about not fitting in to my old ones.

I am learning, slowly, to embrace my shape and be grateful for this one of a kind body of mine.